It was one of those days for Bhargavi.. One situation that triggered off tumultuous feelings within her.. feelings that had a cause, though for a situation that was not going to change. “Reality is different from what I want” was the only thought that was coursing thru’ her. But did that stop her from going thru those feelings? No.. Did that stop the anger that was charging thru her? No.. Did that stop her from wanting to scream? No.. Did that stop her from wanting to burst into tears? No.. and those tears were just at the edge of the eyelids ready to drop but wouldn’t..
There was a whole lot of conversation happening around her but she was not completely in the conversation. She heard the beep of her phone and saw that someone had messaged her.. She unlocked her phone but she didn’t know what to write and she shut her phone.. All she could feel is that lurch in her stomach and that whimper inside her.. She didn’t want to answer any questions lest that whimper decided to let itself be heard..
She wished she could get away from her house and just be with herself.. She wished she could take that long long walk to clear her head.. She wished that she could be in a situation that she wished to be.
“I can’t change the situation, I know; but I am angry. Is it wrong to feel what I feeling? Is it wrong to want what I am wanting? Is it wrong for me to expect to be happy by getting what I think I need to? I don’t want to talk about this to anyone because they might say that this is how the situation is and I need to accept it. That’s something I am telling myself but it ain’t helping me. Why do I need to hear it from someone else? I feel pained and I just want to cry at the unfairness of it all. I know that I need to fight this battle and perhaps alone. Will you help me fight this battle?”
Bhargavi looked around to see if anyone heard her.. Not surprising that no one heard her, because she was talking to herself and within herself.. She was talking to the person she thought was inside her, other than herself. To her, it was a prayer calling for help from within her.. She was sure that if she did not rise to help herself nobody else would, because nobody knew what she was going thru within herself; and what they didn’t know, they wouldn’t understand.
As she pushed herself from her seating posture, she told herself, “This too shall pass, though it is not easy to let go… It is time to move on, though the speed of moving on will take time.. I can take the support of others but only I know the cause for my pain and the impact of it on me. Life is not just about this situation, life is far far far more than that.. Situations will come and situations will go.. Tide over them, move on and be your own best friend. Bhargavi, remember – For each one of us, life is like a mirror, it reflects what is seen. The reality is that you can choose what you want to see!!!”