This dialogue is neither a figment of imagination nor a real one; and the same applies to the characters as well. The character MAnvi is one I see myself in, though at times different. Her thAthA is one who seems much familiar. All of these dialogues are a trigger from a book or a discourse by Pujya Swami Dayananda Saraswati, that I have read or heard respectively. Any error in the way I have blogged upon on any aspect, is due to an error in my understanding alone.
When MAnvi returned a few days later to continue the discussion, she had a pensive look. She was in a introspective mood and definitely thinking aloud 🙂
MAnvi: thAthA, I have a question – When we see an animal we are able to accept it as it is, isn’t it? We actually adapt our behaviour depending on how we have heard it to behave or seen it to behave. We don’t really expect it to be any different. In fact if we are fearful of it, we actually make sure we don’t cross its path. Why do we find it difficult to follow a similar approach with people with whom we have a relationship, thAthA?
Can we stay away from people whose rAgas and dweshas are too much for us to handle? Can we allow others to stay away from us when they find our rAgas and dweshas too much to handle?
If the answer is a no to both questions, then it means that we have neither accepted their limitations nor ours. Which means that we can neither happily get rid of anything nor can we happily get along with anything. Where is then freedom in the relationship?
If the answer is yes to both the questions, then it means that we have accepted the limitations of others and ours as well, isn’t it? So we can happily get rid of anything and we can happily get along with anything too. There is then freedom in the relationship.
You know thAthA, in both the questions, I realised that the anchor is on ourselves.
thAthA: Is that easy, MAnvi – to stay away from others’ rAgas and dweshas or to allow others to stay away from your own rAgas and dweshas?
MAnvi: It doesn’t seem so, thAthA. It is possible that we will attempt to fulfil some of others’ rAgas and dweshas; and others would also attempt to fulfil some of our rAgas and dweshas; though, there would be many rAgas and dweshas that may remain unfulfiled for various reasons. None of us can fulfil everyone’s rAgas and dweshas and at the same time none of us can be without fulfiling someone’s rAgas and dweshas. That is the understanding that is required for freedom in relationship.
thAthA: MAnvi, you have been mentioning limitations and accepting them. What about accomplishments?
MAnvi: thAthA, accomplishments in what?
thAthA: If we need to accept our and others’ limitations in fulfiling rAgas and dweshas, isn’t it equally important to accept it when someone fulfils our rAgas and dweshas and vive versa?
MAnvi: We do, don’t we thAthA?
thAthA: How do you do it, MAnvi? Do you specifically mention to the other person that they have fulfiled your rAgas and dweshas or do they tell you when you do so? Does anyone stop for a moment to think, when one of their rAgas and dweshas is fulfiled by others and acknowledge it? Do you stop for a moment to acknowledge it when you happily get rid of something or happily get along with something? If this is not done, then it is being looked at in a one-sided manner and only at limitations. Being objective, one must look at the accomplishments and the limitations in an equi-focal manner. Then there is a freedom in relationship. At the end of the day, no one can be termed as someone who is given to always having only limitations or as one who is always given to only accomplishments. Everyone is a mixture of both. The proportion of the mixture may change from time to time, both in others and ourselves. What is required is an understanding that there are limitations and accomplishments in everyone and that includes ourselves; and when we understand and accept the presence of limitations and accomplishments in ourselves, we understand and accept that of the others. Then there is freedom in relationship.
MAnvi: thAthA, so much to learn, introspect and implement from whatever we have discussed on this topic..
- Anything that we are happily able to get rid of and anything that we are happily able to get along with, gives us freedom in relationship
- Accept ‘motiveless malignity’ instead of analysing it..
- Moving past our own rAgas and dweshas is important for freedom in relationship; and for this we need to understand our own limitations and strengths
- Others’ freedom is our limitation
- Our freedom is our limitation
- Understanding and accepting limitations and accomplishments of our rAgas and dweshas is important to understand and accept that of the others
- We need to have freedom in our relationship with ourselves before we look at freedom in relationship with others
- Speaking for myself, the anchor is first my own self. Nothing selfish about it but I need to be free in my relationship with myself, to feel the freedom in relationship with the others..
MAnvi’s thAthA thought to himself: MAnvi looks as though she has set herself free from the cage that she saw herself in.. If this would sustain, then the way she sees the herself and thru herself the world, will be so different and that will mark a different journey for her.. A wish that he would always have for her, in his heart..